If you already feel offended or attacked by the title, then you definitely should keep reading 😉 If not then you are already one step ahead of not feeling like a victim all the time.
By definition a victim is a person harmed, injured, or killed as a result of a crime, accident, or other event or action. You might already think, yeah I am not a victim… but then why do we feel like that sometimes or some of us more than others… and more importantly: how can you stop to feel like the victim in life?
My and everyones story
Look, I get it: life is not as easy as it was supposed to be. Bad things keep happening to you and you are just tired and all these events are out of your control and the moment you feel happy something else bad happens. And it just keeps going…
I had a lot of experiences in the past ’til today that you could call “bad”. I also felt like the victim for a long portion of my life and yeah sure, sometimes it is very difficult not to feel like that.
Do you know what the thing is though? We all have our struggles, we all experience shitty things, EVERY. SINGLE. ONE. OF. US! You are not the only one. The problem is that mostly it is taboo to talk about certain topics and then people feel alone, they feel out of control, they feel misunderstood. Look, this is life! No one promised it is going to be easy.
Overthinkers have it especially difficult not to feel like the victim because they get caught up in those thought loops where they think everything is out of their control and that blocks them from acting (and yes again I am talking about the past me). Overthinking as the word says is thinking too much, so think less!
But I think I should explain this in more detail: like I am still an overthinker, but instead of getting caught up in thought loops or “bad” thoughts, I skip them. I already know where they end, and it just doesn’t make sense to go down the road of that thought train over and over again.
What causes victim mentality?
To someone that never felt like this, it might be difficult to understand where this comes from and might just be annoying. Most of the time this comes from your story… probably you have been the victim in the past and you experienced a certain trauma, again… a lot of us have! So, it’s okay if you feel like this BUT it is your choice to keep feeling and acting like the victim for the rest of your life!
Do you really want to feel out of control and be the victim your entire life? “But I can’t, it’s not my fault, people are mean…”, that’s what a person that feels like a victim would say 😉
How to stop being the victim in life: My steps
I already wrote about ownership on this blog a few times now, and this is something that really can change your life. Be responsible for all the things you do! Be responsible for your life! Nobody else is responsible for you, you and you alone are. Who is the person you spend most of the time in your life with? Yes, yourself. So, look after yourself, try to be better, stop making excuses. But the train was late… Then take the earlier one next time. But I don’t have enough money… The make more. But I don’t know how to do it… Then learn how to do it.
This might be a bit extreme what I am saying, but I am trying to make a point. Yes, there are things that you can’t control, but your thought shouldn’t be focused on that. Instead, focus on what you can do to prepare for next time!
Another topic I already wrote about. Before I found out about stoicism I was a mess and was already starting to work on myself (mentally). I noticed that I had a lot of highs but then also lows… why? Because I was constantly reacting to things that I can’t control. But you know what you can control? How you react! Stoicism is for me a topic like ownership and has helped me personally a lot.
Does it mean I don’t react to anything anymore? Of course not! It just means I am more balanced and unexpected events don’t bring me out of balance, because I control or let’s say decide how I react.
Appreciate yourself first
This is something that will come over time naturally. I had a big self-worth problem in the past and in hindsight, I did a lot of stupid things that harmed my body and mind probably long-term. Also, I often consumed myself for others. Others always come first. NO! You come first! Why? Do you think anyone else puts you before them? Probably not… You have to take care of yourself because nobody else will. You are the most important person in your life and there is nothing egoistic about taking care of yourself. It’s egoistic not to because that will have even bigger consequences for the people around you.
This was probably the hardest step for me and I am still working on it. Another tip here: STOP comparing yourself to others! Or at least don’t give that more value than it deserves. Everyone has a different story and a different setting. You don’t compare an apple to a Tesla (google Apple and Tesla :P). Compare yourself to the person you were yesterday, who you were 5 years ago and then you can be judgy. Instead of comparing yourself to others, take inspiration from that, and be proud of yourself!
If you have any anger towards yourself or someone else from the past or in your daily life, let go! If someone is being an asshole to you and you feel angry, they won! You are the one feeling bad and there is no point in that.
Anger, fear, bitterness are all feelings you should let go of. Why? Because there is no point in them. Well yes maybe fear, you shouldn’t now jump from a building because you think you can fly and you just had too much fear before. I mean having fear of confrontation, fear of being judged, the stupid kind of fear… let go!
Clean your mind
This point I am going to keep short: Do some physical exercise or/and meditate! It will do wonders if you make it a routine. And if you want to change your mind you have to make every single point mentioned into a routine. But really, do some physical exercises, it helps a lot: body AND mind.
Change your thoughts
This will be more a result of the points before: be more grateful, be positive, focus on the good things, and on what you actually can do. The entire world can change, just by changing your thoughts.
This is my story and how I stopped being the victim in life and you can too! You are one choice away. And that’s the thing you will realize one day, all this is your choice! It is your choice who you want to be in life. It will take some time to adjust and it won’t be easy…
One last question: Do you want to feel shitty for the rest of your life ooor put in the effort to be the best version of yourself and have an amazing life and being able to help others have an amazing life too? You guessed it, YOUR choice 😉